Embracing Uniqueness: How Individual Kinks Transform Business Leadership
If you live in Berlin and you've had at least some experience in the casual dating scene, the question "What's your kink?" will sound pretty familiar. I was a little overwhelmed by the question at first, because it implies that you should have at least a little kink to avoid being labelled "vanilla".
On further reflection, however, I find this question very enriching on many levels:
It asks what brings us pleasure on a very personal level.
It challenges us to explore our own preferences and express them.
It celebrates human weirdness and deviation from the mainstream.
The questions are meant to check whether we are a match.
So what if we asked ourselves the same question in the business world? And by that I don't mean the question of our sexual preferences (although that would certainly be exciting too), but the question of our very own preferences, desires and therefore strengths and talents, which are the basis of our work as knowledge workers.
My thesis: We are looking for levers in all possible places (in Germany, especially in processes and technology) to make organisations more successful. However, one of the biggest levers is to deploy people in the systems where they have the most impact with their individual preferences, strengths and talents. An interesting statistic I read recently: If a global corporation with 700,000 employees worked just 10% more effectively (which would be the case if everyone was in the right place with their talents and strengths), that would be four billion euros in added value with an average salary of 70,000 euros. Bam!
So the solution could be quite simple: We need to talk more about our preferences, strengths and talents - in job interviews, 1:1s and so on.
The problem with this is that, in my experience, very few people actually know what their kinks are.
And to be honest, you can't blame anyone for this. After all, we have been systematically discouraged from searching for our own kinks. After so many years in systems that were and still are designed to press people into finely oiled machines (thank you, Taylorism), it takes a lot of courage and the will to be different to explore, live and celebrate your kinks.
Many organisations are now realising that organisations that function according to the Taylorist principle (Command & Control, pyramid structure, etc.) are still feeding the cash cow, i.e. the core business, but that new forms of organisation are needed for success in the future that make it possible to find the cash cows of tomorrow. In the end, people don't do this if the solution is already predetermined. When the boss has to be consulted for every decision. When courage is penalised with the end of one's own career.
So we need systems in which people are allowed to make their own decisions because they feel responsible for the system as a whole. We need systems in which people are allowed to organise themselves in order to achieve the greatest possible effectiveness. And it needs people in these systems who understand who they are, with all their kinks, their strengths, their talents - and this is especially true for leaders in these systems.
In my opinion, the only way to find your own kink is through the principle of pleasure. Pleasure is a feeling on a physical level and our body has been proven to know more than our mind and, above all, our ego. Pleasure activist Adrienne Maree brown writes in her book "Pleasure Activism":
"Pleasure is what allows us to make decisions aligned with our true selves. Unless we know what stirs us, what provokes a longing deep in our belly, on what basis can we make decisions about how to lead our lives?"
I would add: Those who don't know what brings them pleasure, and who therefore don't know on what basis they should make decisions for our lives, don't know, to put it bluntly, what the right decisions for a business are. Answering the question of one's own kinks is therefore also essential for organisations, and not just for individuals.
I would even go so far as to say that in the future it will pay off more to invest in finding your own kinks than in the next MBA from an elite university. Because in years to come, instead of more managers, we will need many more leaders who can develop their own visions and lead themselves.
Nevertheless, I realise that the search can be much rockier than completing an MBA. After all, the search also requires an honest look at yourself and perhaps also the admission that you have actually been working in the wrong part of the system with your kink. And yet I believe that this search can be incredibly enriching on so many levels, because it not only helps us and the organisations to be more effective, but because it is part of a fulfilled life, in which in the final analysis it is about whether we have been allowed to live our kinks, our passions and our strengths and talents.
I'll end my little kink pamphlet with a few Pleasure Principles, also from the Pleasure Activism book, that helped me discover my own kinks:
notice what makes you feel good and what you are curious about;
decrease any internal or projected shame or scarcity thinking around the pursuit of pleasure
create more room for joy, wholeness, and aliveness in your life
recognize the connection between tuning into what brings aliveness into our systems and being able to access personal, relational and communal power.
learn to understand: Yes is the way. … Yes is a future. When I feel pleasure, I know I am on the right track.